ball of lightning [dot] com

Sometime between Sunday when I went to bed and Monday when I woke up, the United States Bowling Congress (USBC) released a list of ineligible bowlers and teams for the 2006-2007 season. This list is typically littered with the weaker community colleges– those who only attend a few tournaments and, since they don’t expect to qualify or participate in postseason play, chose to forgo the sanctioning costs of their respective associations. However, this year, there was an interesting team on the list. Cornell University.

Thinking this was a misprint we got in touch with the USBC office, but they replied “For the fall semester, you had three ineligible bowlers– therefore every event the ineligible bowlers participated in resulted in a team disqualification.” Well, I happened to be one of these academically ineligible athletes. Oh shit! Obviously, I attend all of the tournaments because I’m the captain. And the kicker, is I’m far from academically ineligible, sporting an overall GPA of over 3.4 (at Cornell, not some community college in Florida– which has the same exact academic requirements of being over a 2.0 as we do). So clearly, this was a fuck-up on the part of the registrar.

But honestly. I’m tired of babysitting people. I got all the forms signed by all the athletes for their respective colleges. I submitted said forms to the college registrar. After that, they clearly got lost– let’s thank Cornell for that. Obviously writing a couple GPA’s on a sheet of paper is too complicated for them. But what ticks me off the most, is that when we submit our forms to the USBC at the beginning of the year, we submit a team roster (complete with every bowler we plan on using throughout the year) and sanction cards for every single athlete. There clearly was no effort to cross-check or inquire as to why we sent in all this paperwork, but didn’t send in eligibility forms for three bowlers. Even if you don’t cross-check, why wasn’t this error noticed sooner? The forms went to the USBC offices in September– we didn’t find out until the end of March. Shouldn’t there be a list produced? Tournaments verified?

So, long story short– the Cornell team (which funds tournaments through member dues) essentially wasted it’s 2006-2007 season– spending cash on entry fees, gas, food, and hotels, as well as giving up studying and parties to bowl for oh– nothing. And the kicker is, we didn’t do a single thing wrong. Our “superiors” proved to be the perfect storm of ineptitude.

(If you’d like to read the… uh… enlightening e-mail exchange between myself and the USBC, read on…)

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It’s no secret my apartment buys a lot of DP Dough. Makes my arteries cry. But damn is it good. The real kicker though, is that my roommate is the one who usually does the ordering, so when the delivery man arrives downstairs, he calls up to get in. My roommate’s ringtone is “Start Me Up” by the Stones. So I’m walking to class the other day, with my iPod on shuffle. “Start Me Up” comes on. I start salivating. Mmmmm DP Dough.

I’m like Pavlov’s dog. Except I don’t drag my ass across the carpet.

Timeline; Ithaca, NY styles… (Pictures shamelessly stolen from Levine’s Facebook)

—–

2/10/07 - 2/13/07 - Begin and continue tracking system for synoptic meteorology class and forecasting competition. Computer models begin to come into agreement resolving a potentially massive snowstorm on Wednesday, February 14th.

7:00 PM 2/13/07 - Ithaca College has announced no classes for 2/14 due to the impending storm. Ithaca, Dryden, and Lansing public schools have announced the same.

10:00 PM 2/13/07 - The flakes have begun falling, and already cars are having trouble making it up Dryden Road. They are using an interesting zigzag pattern to gain maximum traction, however, it takes just over five minutes to get from Plum Tree to Starbucks. A very humbling pace indeed.

3:00 AM 2/14/07 - “As of 3:00 AM this morning, Wednesday February 14, we do not anticipate a university closing or a late opening today.” - Fine, sobeit– Cornell’s gotta keep up that hardass policy when it comes to closing school. They’ll cave.

7:00 AM 2/14/07 - An online news site’s article reads, “Meantime, most schools in Central New York are closed, including all Tompkins County public school districts. Ithaca College, Tompkins Cortland Community College, and Binghamton University have all canceled classes. Cornell University remains open.” Fuck you Cornell. Seriously. There is now ten inches of snow on the ground, and it’s coming down at a rate in excess of an inch per hour.

[Parking lot in the morning complete with snowed in vehicles– I like the headlights on the tractor… I’m not sure what purpose they serve, but pretty sweet nonetheless.]

8:00 AM 2/14/07 - My professor e-mails me, “Just a reminder that classes are still on. Please try to be prompt on your arrival if you can make it through the snow!” Prompt my ass– the guy shows up ten minutes late bitching incessantly about the roads.

10:00 AM 2/14/07 - Skip bio, but decide to trudge to campus for DiffEq and S&TS.

11:00 AM 2/14/07 - I laugh at the people falling over trying to make it around campus as I walk from Kimball to Goldwin Smith. Car lodges self in snowbank trying to turn from Tower Road. Entertaining.

12:15 PM 2/14/07 - While on my way to the Ivy Room to study for COMM 203 test, overhear some girl bitching about the library’s closure– interesting…

[Visibility on campus is bad with relatively calm winds– once the gradient tightens, we are fucked.]

12:30 PM 2/14/07 - Confirm rumor that in a genius move, Cornell is canceling classes and closing all non-essential buildings for the remainder of the day as the snow is winding down– likely sending students and faculty (who shouldn’t have been there in the first place) home during the height of the storm.

6:00 PM 2/14/07 - Snow begins to taper off, however wind is picking up– over 18″ on the ground, with drifts to three feet in some areas.

12:00 AM 2/15/07 - Wind continues to howl, you think they’ll do something about it tomorrow?

8:00 AM 2/15/07 - Cornell website reads, “Cornell University will delay opening until 9:00 AM Thursday, February 15, 2007. This allows our crews extra time this morning to clear sidewalks, parking lots and roadways on campus. This also provides extra time for outlying roadways to be cleared. The first classes will begin at 10:10 AM. High winds and blowing snow will continue cause problems on sidewalks and roadways throughout the day.” My one class; 9:05-9:55, is canceled. Ironically, it is synoptic meteorology.

11:00 AM 2/15/07 - There is a petition being signed by many students and staff that rips the university for remaining open yesterday. Apparently, President Skorton claimed that the storm “strengthened” leading to first, the opening, and subsequently, the closing of the university. This is complete bullshit, as the NWS was actually slightly OVERPREDICTING the storm the night before. (I’m glad some of the meteo majors pointed this out in the petition) There was no reliable forecast I saw up to thirty-six hours beforehand that predicted less than a foot of snow.

4:45 PM 2/15/07 - Go outside for first time since returning to my apartment yesterday afternoon– realize sidewalks aren’t plowed, forced to walk in road. Note how unsafe this is with a bunch of rich Cornell Jewish girls trying to drive around without proper tires or vehicles. Dig my car out of parking lot drifts using bare hands and sneakered feet. Rather than clear near door, I managed to pry it open, even with three feet of snow next to it. One shift into “R” and a pedal to the absolute floor later and I burst through the wall of snow the plow squeezed up against my rear bumper. Something smells like burning rubber. Go bowling and buy beer afterwards.

8:00 PM 2/15/07 - Attempt to turn into SW Lot after sliding the whole way down Williams, embed self in snowbank.

8:10 PM 2/15/07 - Unembed self.

8:20 PM 2/15/07 - Finally manage to park car after wiggling around lot for ten minutes.

11:00 PM 2/15/07 - Wonder if anything will be reasonably walkable tomorrow. Drinking beer instead of doing 293 homework. Completely irrelevant.

Wikipedia defines a rabbid as “a fictional species of maniac anthropomorphic bunnies, who serve as the primary antagonists in the video game Rayman Raving Rabbids … They are rather limited intellectually, but very aggressive.”

So to promote the release of the game, the company released these shorts entitled Bunnies - Very Useful Scientific Facts… Click on the videos. Trust me.

… and…

Glad you did, huh?

Bowled rather well this weekend– got to return to Connecticut for the second round of the two week Blue and Orange. Averaged 226, finished 4th overall in singles– lost out to 2nd by only a few pins. In one of the games, I threw a double ringing 7 pin, and then whiffed it by like a quarter of a board on the spare shot. Yup, that’ll do it. Team finished 6th out of 11. Per the norm, we can’t do anything worthwhile. SCCC next weekend, and barring us sneaking into sectionals, will be the last tournament of the year.

HONOLULU — Michelle Wie injured her wrist in a fall while running and is wearing a hard cast that will keep her away from golf for at least a month, a family spokesman said Friday.

Spokesman Jesse Derris said the 17-year-old injured her left wrist this week and that her doctors expect it will take four to six weeks to heal. Wie’s right wrist was tightly taped from an injury last month at the Sony Open, where she missed the cut. Source: ESPN.com

Interesting. A “fall?” While running? With the news that Michelle Wie will be attending Stanford in ‘07, maybe she’s getting ready. One has to ask…

… just how wasted was she? Michelle, drunk running is never a good idea. Trust me.

“If you were getting raped, would you want a fucking gradual withdrawal?” - Venables (LA professor)

Context not withstanding–

Super Bowl Most Valuable Player (MVP) - Player who contributes in a significant way to the eventual victor’s win in the NFL championship game held amidst hyped commercials and enveloping a halftime that typically consists of washed up pop artists represented by symbols and nipple shields.

This year the award goes to…

REX GROSSMAN - QB - Chicago Bears

For single-handedly being the biggest reason the Colts won their 2nd Super Bowl ever…

Man held after ad campaign triggers Boston bomb scare

“Scaring an entire region, tying up the T and major roadways, and forcing first responders to spend 12 hours chasing down trinkets instead of terrorists is marketing run amok,” Markey, a Democrat, said in a written statement. “It would be hard to dream up a more appalling publicity stunt.”

“It had a very sinister appearance,” Coakley told reporters. “It had a battery behind it, and wires.”

Seriously– how fucking retarded are people?