ball of lightning [dot] com

A few things to get caught up on.

The GREs: Perfect 800 on the math, 610 on verbal (85th percentile), still waiting on the writing scores. Took them with a 101 degree fever. Quite amazed, because I was fairly sure I got a bunch wrong in the math section. Lucky guesses? Either way, should set me up well for fellowships and the like. I need to start looking into applying for those.

The grad school search is still behind schedule a bit. With the good GRE scores, I think I have narrowed down my potential areas of research to four fields; tropical cyclone development, analysis, and forecasting, some form of severe weather forecasting, air pollution transport and transformation, or “green” engineering (i.e., I’d do things such as help maximize efficiency of wind power grids in structure and location.) Right now I have the bar set high– I’ve looked into programs at MIT, John Hopkins, and Stanford that interest me, as well as Florida State, FIT, and Penn State. I’ll probably expand my schools to include some lesser programs such as UAlbany and Colorado in case I have funding/acceptance issues at the other institutions. But unless someone shows up with a $60,000/year job for me in the next 6 months, it looks like I’ll eventually be Dr. Colin. Sweet.

Moved into the new house in Ithaca. It’s pretty nice; still needs a little work, but I like my room. I’m off the first floor, so it’s not loud all the time, but I’m not all the way up on the hot-as-balls third floor. It’s nice having my own room for the first time since high school.

I fell and hurt my knee. I’m not getting into the details but it involved alcohol. So I went to Cayuga to get stitches on Saturday night. Well, turns out a lot of people were dying and only one doctor was on. So I didn’t get stitched up until like 7:30 in the morning. Key to note is that no one cleaned my wound– so I sat there with gravel poking out of my knee for like 6 hours. Monday, I was running a bit of a fever, so being my hypochondriac self, went to see a doctor at a clinic. “Holy shit!” Turns out I had a “massive” infection. Great. So we popped out the stitches (huzzah for having a giant hole in my leg) and was put on three types of antibiotics. So pretty much the last week has consisted of me popping pills, taking like 6 showers a day to keep my knee from getting re-re-infected, and dragging my leg behind me as I traverse campus. Fan-fucking-tastic. I go back tomorrow to see him again for a follow up– hopefully we’ll have “turned the corner” and I can look forward to getting this knee to get itself back into working order. I’ll at least have a badass scar. Chics dig scars. I hope.

Oh, first bowling practice was Thursday (and my crippled self couldn’t make it), but we have a few new good bowlers. I’m actually very excited for both the club and the team. I think we have a legit shot to do well this year. Which would be awesome.

Wikipedia has a list of YouTube celebrities.

About half of them must be girls under the age of eighteen.

Rock on old, fat, lonely, white men. Keep on YouTubin’.

… for sixty-three billion dollars.

Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a “$63,000,000,000 billion dollar” lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy “missiles from Iran,” FOX News has learned.

Jonathan Lee Riches filed the handwritten complaint over “theft and abuse of my animals” on July 23 in the U.S. District Court in Richmond, Va.

That’s pretty fucking hilarious. But it’s not all. Apparently he’s suing a whole host of people. Including (but not limited to): George W. Bush, Hillary Rodham Clinton, James Hoffa, www.google.com, Pope Benedict XVI, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, John Deere, www.accuweather.com, Adolf Hitler’s National Socialist Party, Roc-A-Fella Records, Shawn Carter (doing business at Jay-Z), Japan’s Nikkei Stock Exchange, Gambino (crime family), Three Mile Island, Tony Danza, Islamic Republic of Iran, University of Miami, GEICO Insurance, Jewish State of Israel, Soledad O’Brien, Tsunami victims, The American Red Cross, Jessica Alba, Charles Moose, al-Qaida Islamic Arm, Fruit of A-Loom [sic], Outback Steakhouse, Donald J. Trump, Chris Berman, Shawn John Combs (doing business as Puff Daddy, doing business as Mr. Ditty [sic]), Vincent K. McMahon, Meals on Wheels, Saddam Hussein, Jewish workers at NBC/Universal, Elizabeth Smart, The Panama Canal Commission, Kelly Clarkston [sic], 13 tribes of Israel, Plato, Lincoln Memorial, Boris Becker, Various Buddhist monks, Christina Applegate, Jewish Mossad, National Vanguard Books, Mein Kampf, Venus Williams, Medieval Times, Denny’s, Brotherhood of the Snake, Larry King, Larry King Live 9 p.m., Rastafarian natives, National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing, Ulluminati [sic], Wu-Tang Clan, Wu Wear Inc., Nordic gods, The Da Vinci Code, Sears Tower, Mike Tyson, Native American Fish Society, Green Bay’s Lambeau Field, Pizza Hut, Ming Dynasty, Barry Bonds, Gangs in Hong Kong, Grand Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, National Hockey League Players’ Association, Philadelphia Eagles (2005 roster, including Donovan McNabb), The Waffle House

Oh, and I can’t forget “Jeopardy Champion.” Seriously, read the linked document — it is a 57 page list of everyone and anyone as defendants. Backstreetboys.com. Hannibal Lector. Yeah, fuck them.

If that wasn’t fucking good enough for you, here’s one of his actual “lawsuits” in which he takes aim at the CIA, Jewish Mossad, and Larry King Live.

“Count 1: Defendants are in a vast conspiracy to hijack my torso, 3 toes, and constitutional rights and ship them to a secret headquarters in Concord, New Hampshire.”

…

“Count 3: Larry King is a voodoo witch doctor who stole my identity on Feb 25th 2003, and purchased lead paint, chips ahoy, planters peanuts, and zip lock bags under my identity. Distributed them to the CIA to microwave test my DNA.”

…

“Due to restrictions on typewriters, this suit was handwritten.”

How much (and how) does he want to be paid?

Plaintiff seek [sic] 211,429,399,000,000.00 trillion dollars backed by gold and silver delivered by United States Postal Service to Federal Correction Institution Williamsburg, Sacters S.C., collectively from defendants.

Seriously, you can’t make this shit up. I always wondered why they did shit like arts and crafts in institutions like this. Now I know– and it looks like they need even more activities to keep them occupied.

Kia Vaughn, the 6′ 4″, 200 lb center for Rutgers, is suing Don Imus for “damaging her reputation” which her attorney then admits has not reared it’s head yet.

Vaughn’s attorney, Richard Ancowitz, said: “The full effect of the damage remains to be seen.”

“This is about Kia Vaughn’s good name,” Ancowitz said. “She would do anything to return to her life as a student and respected basketball player — a more simple life before Imus opened his mouth on April 4.”

Imus referred to the basketball players as “nappy-headed hos” on his nationally syndicated radio program in April, becoming the target of heated protests led by the Rev. Al Sharpton. He was fired shortly after.

Seriously. This is getting fucking ridiculous– this double-edged, hypocritical, political correct society that continues to evolve. What, Osama bin Laden’s next goal is taking on America in a world court– claiming the United States defamed the great name of Al-Qaeda? Hell, if she wins this, I’m suing the next guy on Comedy Central who calls all bowlers “fat, beer-drinking, nacho-eating, lazy sumbitches.”

I only included the Comedy Central qualifier, because without that, I’d be forced to sue myself.

Let me start with the obligatory “wow, it’s really been a while.”

I ran my first race today. On foot, not in a car– odd that I did the latter first. Five miles in some shit time like 42 minutes. I was aiming for like 39ish (remember, I have actually run a full five miles in one block like 4 or 5 times uh– ever), but thanks to it being balls hot I really lost a lot of time between the second and third miles where I slowed to that really, really slow jog that was not quite a walk but pretty fucking close. (Also of note, is that for a “relatively flat” course, there was an awful lot of variation change.) I think my other big issue was I tried to run quick out of the gate– I think I went 7:20-7:40 for my first two miles, which is way beyond my still far from chiseled physique’s tolerable range. Though, I also ended up sprinting the last half mile, and realized after finishing that I had enough I probably could have started even further back and finished with like a reasonable sub-8 mile. I think I ended up something like 23rd/35th in the 20-29 age group, so I guess I should feel mildly accomplished considering I was winded after running an 8:30 mile in June. Though, as I told everyone, I don’t like being a “rookie.” Whether it’s a baseball game, a bowling match, a go-kart race– any of that shit– I get pissed off when I’m not competitive right off the bat. It’s probably detrimental to my development in any given area, but hey, I’m cool with that. I’d rather punch a wall that have someone congratulate me for being the 15th loser. And that’s why I’m planning on breaking my hand on a ball return in our first tournament in November after opening the season with a 138. All-American or bust, bitches.

Note: If you have like a half hour– go nuts– if you only wanna watch a couple, the starred ones are the sparks, the rest are the fire.

Studying for the GRE is irrelevant, so I’ve spent the last hour on YouTube– pathetic? I think not. So what if the average YouTube viewer makes a NASCAR fan look like a Mensa member. Seriously, some of this shit is awesome.

*Did you know that 95% of Americans are scientifically illiterate?

An initial response. Nice earrings.

What the fuck are you looking at?

Some people respond pseudo-philosophically– hey, it sounds smart. And he flips people off. +1.

*Her response? Something something fucktard!

Oh now the replies! They get better… (Chocolate rain!)

… and better…

… and better. (My personal favorite– this chain’s coup de grâce)

It’s quite amazing what YouTube can spawn. The guys who invented it. Seriously. Props. Fast cars, good beer, and hot girls. Livin’ the high life. (Tests always made me thirsty)