ball of lightning [dot] com

Apparently, some kiddos from Bristol (obligatory shoutout to Mark at Bristol Ten Pin; bring back “Bowl Your Head Off”) were at Fenway today (yesterday, since it’s 4 AM) when some girl was randomly attacked by a red-tailed hawk. Which I’m like “well that blows, but it’s kind of funny.” It went from being “kind of funny” to “really fucking hilarious” once I found out her name.

BOSTON — A 13-year-old girl touring Fenway Park on a school trip was attacked by a resident red-tailed hawk that drew blood from her scalp Thursday.

She wasn’t seriously hurt, but some observers saw an omen for a certain New York Yankees slugger in the attack at the home of the Boston Red Sox. The girl’s name is Alexa Rodriguez.

Vince Jennetta, a teacher who chaperoned her class trip from Memorial Boulevard Middle School in Bristol, Conn., told The Boston Globe that Alexa is “a little shaken, but OK.”

The hawk was perched on a railing in the upper deck behind home plate while the group toured the stadium. The hawk flew at the girl and swooped with its talons extended, scratching her scalp.

I mean, if there was ever a case for intelligent design (or God having an awesome sense of humor), this is it.

A game thread on SoSH brought this back to my attention; Frank Francisco’s famous chair throwing incident from freshman year…

“Frank is best known for participating in one of the ugliest incidents of fan violence. On September 13, 2004, Frank threw a folding chair into the crowd in a game against the Oakland Athletics. The incident initially escalated when Rangers pitcher Doug Brocail charged from the Rangers’ bullpen to confront a fan, Craig Bueno, who, members of the Rangers later claimed, had been heckling the Rangers pitcher about his stillborn child. The chair thrown by Francisco hit Jennifer Bueno in the face and caused a cut, which required stiches. Frank was arrested and on June 30, 2005, he pleaded no contest to charges. He was sentenced to anger management classes and a work program. A civil suit brought by the woman hit with the chair was settled on January 12, 2007. Terms of the settlement included an undisclosed payment and a public apology.” - Wikipedia

The funny thing is not the chair about to hit the obese woman in the lower right corner– no– it’s the looks on the people’s faces in the section.

Some are clearly horrified that this burly Dominican was whipping folding chairs around like a frisbee during a Brown hippie-off. But better are the faces of people who are enjoying the fracas. “Yeah, take that, bitch!” My personal favorite is the Asian at the top– man, he clearly is enjoying his decision to immigrate to the Bay Area.